A devastated Margate couple who are now having to bury their second son lost to stillbirth are urging Thanet council to allow them to have their boys laid at rest next to each other.
Chloe Aggett and partner Berke Bilgen have suffered three baby losses, one through miscarriage in 2024 and then tragically baby Luca who was stillborn in May last year and distressingly, the couple’s son Elijah stillborn on March 7.
Now the couple’s grief has been compounded after Thanet council said it could not comply with a request for them to bury Elijah in front of the plot where Luca is laid to rest due to ‘alignment’ reasons.
Chloe, 25, said: “We lost our first baby at 11 weeks, shortly after that we lost our second baby, Luca, at 39 weeks and 3 days, four days before his due date. He was stillborn a day before his due date.
“A couple months after losing our Luca, we got the terrifying news that we were expecting again. I was 32 weeks when I received the worst news of our life, all over again. We lost our Elijah, who was also stillborn, at 32 weeks and two days.
“We are now having to arrange another funeral, which no parent should have to do for their child. We just want the boys close together but Luca is in plot Z12 and they have said Elijah will be plot Z19, seven plots away. So, who will I sit with when I go and visit them because I can’t sit with them both?
The couple want Luca and Elijah to rest together
“There have been multiple families who have been able to buy multiple plots for their babies, just to decorate. I’m not asking to buy the plot in front to decorate, I’m asking to have my babies close together.
“I have been told that I can’t have the plot in front of Luca as the second row has not been started and that they need to ‘keep in alignment so as not to lose burial space for other families who may lose their baby.’
“But I have lost my babies. A baby will be buried there. My baby will be there with his brother. It makes absolutely no difference; they would still measure and size up the grave properly as if they were starting a new row.”
Chloe says the couple also asked about having Elijah buried in the same plot as Luca.
She said: “I asked the funeral director, she asked the (council) for me and came back and said I can only do that if Elijah is cremated, which doesn’t feel right to me. I can’t burn my baby. I just want him to rest peacefully as he is. They said Luca isn’t buried deep enough to bury Elijah in with him.”
Former school cleaner Chloe and car wash worker Berke, who have been together for four years, say they just want to grieve in peace and be able to be with their boys when they go to the cemetery.
Chloe said: “When we lost Luca I accepted it but this time has been much harder. I’ve asked about counselling and have brilliant support from my mum but (regarding the burial plot) I’m just lost for words, I don’t know how to explain it.
“People have been allowed to buy plots for decorating and I do understand it is their way of coping but I need to bury my boys together. They (council) have got to start the second row at some point so why can’t they help us?”
A Thanet council spokesperson said: “Our deepest sympathies are with the family during this incredibly difficult time.
“Whilst we understand that a family might request neighbouring plots, there are reasons why the new plots are created in sequence.
“Space at Margate Cemetery is allocated on a ‘next available’ basis. By allocating plots in sequence, we don’t disturb other burial plots when we create a new grave.
“It also helps us to best manage the space available and ensure as many families as possible, who might sadly require a plot, can be accommodated.”
Get support
‘Remember my baby’ is a charity offering free remembrance photography.
The charity Sands (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support) offers a helpline for parents, families, and healthcare professionals affected by stillbirth: 0808 164 3332. It also offers other support such as local groups run by bereaved parents.
The charity Tommy’s offers a helpline run by midwives who have experience in talking about pregnancy loss and have had bereavement training. Call 0800 0147 800.
The charity Cruse Bereavement Care offers a helpline (0808 808 1677), and face-to-face and group support following the death of someone close.
I don’t understand the council’s issue. My grandparents are buried in that cemetery in the same grave, and this was done during COVID so fairly recently so why can it not be done now?
Come on tdc let her put her boys together,have a heart,I’m so sorry for what you must be going throu ,I lost a baby at 8 weeks and it destroyed me so for you ,I can not imagine,my love to you all
Question to T.D.C. As the children’s casket is. Possibly less than half the size of an adult one, why can it not be in the same plot. Or do the council not give a full plot to a child, but maybe charge the same. Can someone give a sensible answer ?
The children’s plots are a lot smaller as they are smaller coffins, children’s funerals/cremations are now free so the plot is free too.
It would be worth asking if the second casket can be placed on top of the first as it has only been in situ 12 months. It would obviously mean reopening the grave, and also to assess if there would be a sufficient depth top fill afterwards. It works well in instances where the military have used it.
There has to be a answer,a solution, not just a no…I’ll shout for you ,I’ll fight for you if I could,this is outrageous.please tdc have a heart for this family
What does ”alignment issues” mean?
Oh dear, TDC have a heart please.
Just reopen her 1st baby plot it’s not disturbing any other plot im sure if you can have a couple plot why not a family plot personally I get a petition up and try that or keep him with you in your garden has ive seen some people do this too ? I not sure how you go about that 1 though but condolences to you both losing a child his hard has it is but losing 3 is even harder I hope you get what your asking big big loves sending your way ❤️
Well as always with these stories we are hearing from one side only.It is distressing to hear these stories,and naturally most people would side with the couple over the bureaucracy. Burying both babies in one plot would seem the optimal solution, as opposed to burying one in front of the other.
May I suggest that TDC meet the couple and duscuss the options, quietly with them, without the glare of publicity.
I am not a fan of burials for this reason.Cemetaries have to be maintained, and as costs rise that means using machinery. Which is where the alignment is issue may arise.