Opinion with Matthew Munson: Getting jabbed and preparing for further reopening

Matthew and Bryan

I am 39 years and 11 months old, and I did something very devilish this week; I had my first jab of the Astra Zeneca vaccine on Wednesday. I am now microchipped by Bill Gates, and my new overlords have asked me to promote the benefits of 5G.

I jest, of course; I’m not allowed to talk about the computer that is now controlling my thoughts, nor about the terrible side effects – which amounted to (brace yourself) a small headache, some tiredness, and a sore arm that’s persisting after three days. Annoying? Yes. In any way related to 5G masts and a massive international conspiracy to cull the human species by our reptilian overlords? Oh please.

I was so tired on Thursday after my vaccine that I fell asleep in the middle of the day and woke up to find that Bryan’s after-school club was cancelled (weather-related). I didn’t have enough time to get up to the school to pick him up, but his grandparents quickly stepped in; thank heavens. I’ve never left Bryan at the school gates waiting for me; I wouldn’t ever do that to him.

In the preparation for some further re-opening of society, I’m making sure Bryan remembers the fun of things we discovered over lockdown. Whilst the weather isn’t particularly great this weekend, we’ll be popping out in the dry moments for a woodland walk, a stroll down the town, a play area somewhere – all things that kept us going, and would do again in the sad event of any more lockdowns.

I like to introduce Bryan to new opportunities as much as possible; we recently went to Dover Castle for an archery lesson (well, I didn’t take part – I have dyspraxia and no coordination), and the half-term is coming up fast. We’ll even be going up to London for a visit, as there is a really interesting exhibit at the Science Museum, and I want us to have some experiences while we still can. I hate being a pessimist, but I’m paranoid we’ll lose some of our privileges at some point – and I want Bryan to have a stack of fun experiences for as long as we can.

By the by, I wonder if anyone can explain anything to me? I don’t consider myself out of touch with reality very much, although I accept that technology has evolved significantly in the last 40 years. Bryan likes to watch Youtube videos of loud and shouty Americans getting terribly overexcited by strange activities; there’s a family who consist of an untold number of children (I wonder if there’s some genetic cloning going on, because I can’t tell the difference between a lot of them) doing trick shots at a volume that wouldn’t be out of place at NASA. There’s also a group of friends (or possibly colleagues pretending to be friends for the money; pals-for-pay?) who seem to do nothing but run about, shouting, and playing rock / paper / scissors.

My question is; what is the purpose of all these strange sights and loud noises? When I ask Bryan the same question, he just stares at me as if I were mad; the noise is driving me mad, but I am expected to put up with it from my mini-torturer. Why are loud people running around like crazy people deemed to be interesting, quirky, or funny? It clearly is, so there’s something I’m missing, but I’d be content to be in ignorance for as long as possible – or until I can mute Bryan’s damn tablet.

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