Matthew Munson: Reflecting on parenthood

Half term has been and gone in Casa de Munson. Reality hits on Monday – back to work and school for one final term before the longer summer holidays. That’s no grumble – it’s nice to find our routine – but I do enjoy the slower pace of life during the holidays.

I’m in quite a reflective mood of late, as time seems to have moved so fast for us. Bryan is now a brilliant 15 year old young man, and I’ve been privileged to be his dad for seven years now. I can’t quite process how much time has passed, and how quickly it’s gone. We’ve done so much in the intervening years, and it’s been brilliant to watch him blossom.

Having a child means a piece of your heart is running round outside your body; someone precious to you is an autonomous being, with thoughts and feelings of their own. It’s my job to give Bryan the love and support he rightly deserves to explore the world safely, and I’ve loved every second of fatherhood. I wouldn’t swap it for the world.

I can’t remember the exact moment I decided to become a dad … but perhaps it wasn’t a precise moment, but a series of them. In my twenties, you couldn’t have convinced me to become a parent, even if it came with a £1 million donation. I was still figuring out who I was, and I wouldn’t have been a very good dad at that point in my life.

I knew people who were parents then, and I genuinely enjoyed being part of their lives as a friend of their parents – perhaps even a surrogate uncle –  but I recognised how different that was compared to being a full-time dad. I was in awe of people who seemed to have got it together enough to become a parent, but perhaps – sometimes – we deal with the hand we’re given. Perhaps there never is an entirely right time; instead, there’s probably just a time when you realise you’re more able to deal with whatever unexpected stuff comes up on a daily basis.

For me, that realisation occurred gradually in my thirties. I was more comfortable in my own skin, and had a desire … a willingness, perhaps … to focus my life around a child and give them as good a life as it was possible for me to give them. Perhaps it was because I’d spent more time with people who had children, or because I’d grown up emotionally … or a combination of a hundred different reasons. I got to choose the timing of when I became a dad, which doesn’t happen to everyone – but I got to really be sure that I was as ready as I was ever going to be.

But you’re never fully ready to become a parent. I went through a lot of different courses and meetings with social workers, all of which were helpful and interesting. But the real test of being a parent is from day one onwards, when they come home for the first time. In that moment, I didn’t know what I was doing; I almost forgot all my training for a moment as I processed that I was now actually a dad in real life. It was no longer an abstract discussion, but a real thing, and I needed to figure it out as I went.

My mistakes were legion, and I learnt a hell of a lot from them, and I am most certainly not a perfect father or a perfect person. But what I am is someone who loves his son, and wants to do the best by him; every decision I take is based around my responsibilities as a father, and that will forever be the best and most important title I ever possess.

Like I say, I’ve been feeling reflective as late …

Bryan and I had intended to go up to London for a little while over the holiday, but the weather pushed us back. The average was 34 degrees up in the city, and neither of us wanted to contemplate that weather. So instead we pottered; a day in Canterbury, a water fight with some friends, and some lovely walks around our beautiful coast. Bryan’s also had some dance rehearsals for an upcoming show, which has pleased him no end.

I always find myself looking forward to getting the normal routine back, but I know that I’ll miss time with my brilliant son.